How my faith taught me how to love

Written by Our Faiza Saqib

The broken home: It was an endless battle, walls tearing down as I would hear my father’s voice echoing through every brick and bone. Tireless screams and broken dreams, it was my mother who faced it all. She carried strength and resilience in all that she did, no matter how many times she was hurt, she stood tall knowing that God was by her side. Most nights I would hear my father’s voice piercing through every bone in my mother’s body, a memory that still pains me till this day. One night I heard my mother crying, and I ran into the next
room only to find my father’s hands wrapped around her neck, I froze, broke into tears and
ran towards her to untighten his grip, only to be pushed onto the ground. Moments later
my brother came into the room and manage to separate him from my mother, she was
broken in tears, I was broken…we were all broken by one man and his actions. The
realisation that this man could potentially take my mother’s life away was a fear that stayed
with us all for many years, a man that was considered a father by name and by blood.
I often wondered when the pain would end, and when my mother’s heart would finally
mend. Even in those long nights of verbal and domestic abuse, she would constantly be in
prayer, finding a moment of solitude in the hardships she faced. I was just a child, so I
couldn’t understand why it was so hard for us to leave, why couldn’t we break away from
the tears, pain and burdens that came with one man. I remember the heart aching
supplications my mother would make, hands raised to the sky as a stream of tears would
roll down her precious face. I gazed at her often, feeling her heartbeat on mine and falling
into prostration, waiting for a sign.

A mother’s healing: Allah says “And when My servants ask you, [O Muhammad], concerning
Me – indeed I am near. I respond to the invocation of the supplicant when he calls upon Me.
So let them respond to Me [by obedience] and believe in Me that they may be [rightly]
guided.” Quran 2:186

I would always question and wonder how my mother kept such a strong faith in times of
turbulence and her response would always be “Khuda Mehfama bachem”- “Allah knows, my
child.” Hearing those words brought ease onto my heart, knowing there was a greater
omnipresence to guide us through every hardship. My mother faced war in her homeland
and then faced another war in her home away from home. She was in a constant battle with
life and yet, she maintained a relationship with God beyond my understanding. I was always
in awe of her love for Allah. Those tears soon turned into laughter and the power of Dua
came to light, if not months but years later. The echoes of my fathers screams soon faded
and there was a relief and hopeful end to what felt like a lifetime of pain.
And If I were to ask my mother what got her through all these years she would say “Khuda”-
“My Lord.” Her love and devotion to Allah was all that I saw when I was a child, a reflection
of her heart and soul, became something I truly cherished the most.

Acceptance: “Indeed, with hardship [will be] ease.” (Surah Ash-Sharh 94: 5-6)

Acceptance for me, remains a form of healing. Accepting and acknowledging that as Allah
SWT states in the Quran, there is ease after every hardship. There is so much love to be
found in the faith that we carry, and my means of seeing it was through my mother’s eyes. I
had never seen a woman love so much, unconditionally and consistently. Looking past her
own body and raising her children on her own. From one home to another, the words of
God forever remained on her lips.
My mother would always grace my ears with the glorious verses of The Quran that now
remain imbedded in my heart and soul forever. So how has my faith taught me how to love?
Well, my image of love and faith remains in one woman and her strength. She taught me
love through the knowledge of Islam and Islam guided me to find tranquillity in every
moment.
I found love through the acceptance of myself, the past, the present and the future that is
yet to come. I cannot change the past, but what I can do is seek to find a future thriving in
purity with God’s given grace, for love will always prevail. My mother taught me how to
love, and my faith taught me how to navigate that love, which then guided me to my own
mind, body and soul.
I will leave you with these words from the Holy Quran, that often help me through the good
and bad moments: “Whoever puts his trust in Allah; He will be enough for Him.” (65:3)
-F.S

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(Disclaimer: Faith was a means of my mother keeping her sanity during tough time. But we
also did our part by actively reaching out to emergency services and or helplines. If you are
facing any form of Abuse at home, please reach out to relevant helplines and remember you
are never alone. Seek solitude in prayer, but also reach out and know that people are always
there to help.)

May Allah bring light into homes filled with darkness and ease every pain that is felt.

Ameen.

National Domestic Abuse Helpline:
0808 2000 247
https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/

Photography by Dana Mahmoud @dana.mahh

Thank you Faiza, for sharing such a touching and deeply moving piece. We are sure it will benefit many readers in our community, who need to hear about your incredible journey. Stay safe and reach out.